i just sent this text using only my big toe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
