I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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