please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
