i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
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The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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