happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
