does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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