there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
