i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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