i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
