I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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