i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
