My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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