She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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