Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just cropdusted the office
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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