My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she woke up with a sticky ear
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
