Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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