He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
