At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have fence marks all over my body
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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