Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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