the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
