This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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