We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Porn is love you can see.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
