Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
