we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
