i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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