if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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