He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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