plz talk dirty to me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
