My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
