I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
