did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
