my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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