How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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