alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
