Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize