she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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