Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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