Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
