Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The best revenge is premature balding
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
