i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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