Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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