My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize