Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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