Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
