my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize