he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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