I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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