We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
