so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
