ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
