I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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