Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
