Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
