you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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