somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
