3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
