Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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