I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
