The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
